the unpaved path in front of me

I believe in schedules, charts, and daily "To-Do" lists. I like to be able to control the unknown, organize what I do know, and systematically pursue tasks in the order that I have outlined.

I am a bit of a control freak. "Type-A, OCD" my friends joke. I know that. I actually pride myself for it.

But this summer, it all so quickly slipped between my fingers. I could feel my hands desperately grasping into the air, just hoping that it all would magically come back to me. That like a mother returning to its nest of baby birds, things would just naturally fall into place and all would be well.  But for the first time, nothing could be salvaged.

So for a little while, I freaked out, like what any other sane person would have done when their world is turned upside down. And I was sad, really sad.

But then I realized, what do I have to be sad about? I have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my body, and amazing friends, family and boyfriend who embrace me with unconditional love. Who am I to be sad? Especially when there are others who suffer much more pain in this world.

Ultimately, when I finally regained perspective, I became myself again. Pro-active, as they call it.

Now I can finally say, I have moved on. I've learned it's okay to fail. Learned that life doesn't always serve you the plate you were looking for, that it wasn't meant to be easy. Life was meant to be a journey in which you traverse through the muddy valleys, fight to see beyond the dark forests, and struggle to catch your breath in the menacing rapids. So that one day, when you reach the peak of the mountain, you can feel the gentle breeze as the crisp, cool air, overflows your lungs, the warmth of the sunshine as it dances on your face, and the sense of freedom and accomplishment that will rush through your body as you realize, you made it. It is then, that we will look back and embrace where we came from, love who we are now, and remember the journey that brought us there.

I too will take that leap of faith. So next year, I won't be around here, but the next chapter in my journey will now begin.